Love and War
by Tani
Summary: Christian goes off to war, leaving Satine behind (if I say anything else it will spoil the story) Please RR if you do I'll give you a Ewan clone!
1. chapter 1: all my loving

**Love and War**

_**A/N**_ _Here I go again, starting a story, which will probably never get finished._

**Historical note**:

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_ This story takes place somewhere around 1901. The war I am sending Christian to is a fictitious war, and I do not mean to offend anyone. So don't take me seriously there was no war between France and Britain at the time of this story. I didn't write about world war one because I haven't learned about it in school yet as I wont be in grade 10 until September. So I do not want to get flamed for being historically inaccurate._

**Disclaimer**: _If I owned the rights to Moulin Rouge, my brain would have to be larger than the size of a peanut, which it isn't._

_ With all that said I hope you will enjoy my fanfiction

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It was early morning, and the train station was filled with soldiers and their families bidding tearful train station goodbyes. Satine stood awkwardly in the center of it all, dreading the moment when the train would roll into the station and whisk Christian far away from her.

Christian slipped his arms around her and held her close to him. She sighed happily, loving the feeling of his warm strong arms around her. Would this be the last time he held her? She gazed into his eyes, finding the same unspoken fear.

She then felt an undeniable urge to cling to him. Which she did, and soon she broke out into sobs. She couldn't lose him, he meant so much to her.

As she cried Christian rocked her, trying to provide some comfort. "I love you." He whispered, his voice quivering with fear. He didn't want to be separated from her.

Then, with an ear-piercing shriek the train pulled up to the platform, causing smoke to billow everywhere. It was, unfortunately time to say, goodbye.

Christian kissed Satine once more, but this time on the lips. It was one of his signature kisses, loving and tender, yet fuelled with passion and desire. These kisses always left the two of them breathless.

"Come what may?" He asked, needing reassurance that everything would be all right.

"Come what may." She whispered firmly, not wanting him to hear her fear, that would make his worse.

"All aboard!" Hollered the conductor.

"Goodbye my love." Christian whispered shakily, then he turned and started walking away from her.

"No, don't go just, just stay here with me, you don't need to fight in this stupid war, what about your bohemian ideals! Please stay!" Screamed Satine in her mind, but all she said was;"I love you Christian, be careful."

Christian was nearly on the train, when he spun around and ran back to her. Pulling her into his arms.

"When this damn war ends," He whispered into her ear, as tears streamed down his face, "I swear on my life, I will never leave your side again." He held her close for a moment, hearing her breathe, feeling her heart beat, then reluctantly he let her go and headed back to the train.

Satine did not know how long she stood on the platform after the train disappeared from sight, but she realized she hated Christian's father even more now. After all if it had not been for him Christian wouldn't b in this stupid war.

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The day Satine truly started hating Christian's father was not the day the old man refused to help them pay for Satine's treatment, though it did cause her to harbor some negative feelings towards him. The day she truly began to hate Albert James was the day the letter arrived.

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Satine and Christian were sitting at the breakfast table one morning eating porridge. Satine had just begun her perusal of the paper, but was already frowning. "War between England and France seems more eminent as time passes." Proclaimed the headlines of the front page. Satine did not know what to make of the probable war. She had been born in London and lived there until her mother died (she had to have been seven or eight at the time of the tragic event), and came to Paris with her father, only to be sold like a cheap unwanted item to Harold Ziddler so that her father could pay off Gambling debts. Now Satine lived with Christian in a nice little cottage in the English countryside.

Before Christian she had never felt at home in any of the two countries. For her, home wasn't the country in which she was a citizen of, but rather, wherever Christian was. She glanced up at her beloved husband and was surprised to find a scowl on his face, as he glanced down at something...

"Christian what's wrong?" He looked up at her; his face twisted in anger, and held up a letter.

"You know Satine, sometimes, like now for instance, I hate my father, no I loathe him." Christian proclaimed shaking his head.

"Christian." He avoided Satine's blue eyes. "Tell Me," She whispered softly. Christian sighed, and looked at her.

"My father has enlisted me in the army, and if there is a war, then I have to go and fight the French." Satine gasped. She got up from her seat and sat in Christian's lap, leaning into his arms.

"Why would he do this to you? Doesn't he care that we're happy?" Satine wondered aloud.

Christian did not respond he too could not comprehend his father's reasoning.

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A short time after the letter arrived war was declared.

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The night before Christian was to go away, the two of them lay awake in bed wrapped in each others arms, silence and fear hovered unpleasantly on the air.

" I wish you didn't have to go" Satine murmured breaking the silence silence.

"So do I." Christian whispered with a sigh. His chin was resting on Satine's head, and tears trickled from his cheeks into her hair.

"I wish this stupid war didn't exist." Satine's voice was breaking, and tears threatened to fall. "I'm scared Christian. I don't want to lose you. I just wish this was all a nightmare that I could wake from." She could no longer hold the tears and began weeping.

"Oh no! Don't you start too, I'm already blubbering like a baby." He tried to smile, tried to laugh too, but failed miserably. "Please try and be happy for me, your pain will make mine worse."

" I am trying. I am." She whispered sadly.

"So kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me, hold me like you'll never let me go." He sang brushing away her tears, and blinking back his own. "Cause I'm leaving on a steam train, don't know if I'll be back again, oh babe I hate to go."

"If you don't want to go, then don't! We, we can move to America, we can change our names... then you won't have to go to war, and I won't have to worry about losing you." Satine cried out, sitting up in bed.

"Darling, you know we can't do that. Technically that would be deserting, and you know what they do to those who desert."

Satine fell back onto the pillow. With her back turned to Christian, she began to cry. Christian turned her over so she was looking at him.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you tomorrow I'll miss you," He sang softly, and sadly. "Remember I'll always be true. And then while I'm away I'll write home everyday and I'll send all my loving to you." He brushed a few stray hairs from her face.

"I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing and hope that my dreams will come true. And then while I'm away I'll write home everyday and I'll send all my loving to you."

"Yeah you'll write to me everyday, but then one day the letters will stop, because you'll be dead. That's what will happened that's what always happens!" She cried.

"All my loving I will send to you, all my loving darling I'll be true." He sang in response.

"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you tomorrow I'll miss you remember I'll always be true, and then while I'm away I'll write home everyday and I'll send all my loving to you." Satine's eyes began to droop, but she couldn't fall asleep, these could be the last few hours she had left with Christian.

"All my loving I will send to you. All my loving darling I'll be true. All my loving, all my loving, oo, all my loving I will send to you."

As the last note of his song died, Christian gazed into Satine's watery eyes. "I will come back to you. Why wouldn't I?" He tried to laugh, " Nothing not even death could keep me from you. I will love you until the end of time." She smiled a little.

"Try and get some rest my love it's late." Christian whispered as he snuggled up to her, but neither of them slept that night.

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Satine headed home, which wouldn't really be home with Christian gone. Only time could tell if Christian would return to her.

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A/N: There it is chapter one! God that took forever to type out, I have had it and chapter two written by hand since I was at my cottage but typing this out took ages.

Songs used:

: Leaving on a jet plane (words altered) by: I don't know who

All my loving by: The Beatles (gotta love em' )

And come what may (well sort of) and if you don't know who that's by I'm not telling.

If you review you will make me very happy and you will get a Ewan clone, but if you flame than I have one thing to say to you, bite me.


	2. Chapter 2: The news

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Chapter 2

**A/N:** Well I would give you all your Ewan clones but I have a bit of a problem... the toaster (my cloning machine) unfortunately gave me numerous Michael Jackson clones, and I'm sure none of you want a Michael Jackson clone, but don't worry I still have plenty of appliance's which can be made into cloning machines like.... the Microwave. Hehehe please don't maul me! Seriously though thanks for all the nice reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own Moulin Rouge, or any of the songs used.

True to his word Christian wrote to Satine everyday. His letters were detailed accounts of life in the barracks; he spoke of his brothers in arms, of the strict Lieutenant Colonel, of terrible food, and of the regiment's detailed history. He would also write her beautiful poems filled with love and longing.

However, when basic training was over, and Christian had experienced the horrors of battle, the letters became less frequent, and more disturbing.

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_August 16th 1902_

_My darling. I do not know how much more of this I can bear. Battle is the most horrific and terrifying thing I have witnessed in my life. I will not trouble you with the details. Why must all this bloodshed be necessary? Oh love, I miss you so. I pray that this retched war shall end soon and that I will return to you._

_With all the love in my heart, as always,_

_Christian._

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When Satine read this letter, she finally understood why Christian's father had sent him to war. It was to show him, love cannot overcome death, and that humans are capable of doing terrible things to each other.

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With each letter, Christian seemed to be growing more depressed and pessimistic. Satine worried for him every hour of every day.

_"It must be extremely hard for him, because as you know, he is a sensitive soul."_ Satine wrote in one of her letters to Christian's elder sister, Amelia, with whom she kept in touch with almost as regularly as she did Christian. Satine however, told no one, not even Christian, of her recurring nightmare.

Every night it was the same. First there was nothing, but blackness, and a loud ear piercing noise. Once she realized the sounds she was hearing were the sounds of a battlefield, of agony, of pain, and of death, the blackness receded and a terrifying scene played out before her. Men lay dead on the field, while other's slowly wasted away. Some were split in half, with their innards, spilling out, and some were so terribly mangled it was hard to even identify them as a human being. Then she saw Christian, and what was left of his regiment, firing at the French, who fired back, neither side willing to surrender. A bullet, then sped from some unseen place and penetrated Christian's chest, tearing through his body, and exiting out his left side Christian then sank to the ground, blood soaking his uniform. The last thing Satine heard before she was pulled back into consciousness, was Christian's agonized cries.

She was always sobbing when she awoke, it would take a few moments of gazing around the darkened room to realize Christian was all right. It was just a dream, just a terrible, terrible dream.

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"Damn this war..." Christian whispered. It was the middle of the night and he had not gotten a moments rest. For each time he closed his eyes, he could smell the putrid stench of rotting bodies, could hear the terrible blast of an explosion, and could see the men he killed before they died.

The men he killed. With each passing day he thought of them more and more, as the guilt gnawed away at his heart. What were their names, their dreams and ambitions? Did they leave behind women that loved them? Women like Satine? Or children? With rosy cheeks and chubby tummies. What were their fondest memories, and deepest regrets?

In basic training Lieutenant Colonel Stanton told them not to think such things of the enemy, and told them to focus only on exterminating them, as they were not human, they were animals. But the Colonel was wrong. They were humans, ordinary people, ordinary people just like Christian. Ordinary people who did not deserve to die.

Christian pulled from his coat pocket a photo of Satine, and him in his garret. As he did every night he kissed Satine's face. Hot wet tears trickled down his cheeks and splashed the photo's surface. How Christian wished he could hold his beloved again. He also wished he was as strong as her, maybe then this terrible war would not be so traumatic. He sighed heavily and tucked the photo back into his pocket. Tomorrow the troops were moving out to a small French city, near Pairs. How many more must die before the war ended? And would he, Christian, suffer the same fate as those before him?

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Satine shifted her small bundle of groceries to her left arm as she checked the mailbox. Still nothing.... Satine bit her bottom lip as a wave of anxiety overcame her. Why had she not received a letter from Christian? Was he all right? Or was he... no she couldn't think like that, his letter probably just got lost in the mail.

As she carried the groceries in side, she remembered her nightly dream. What if the dream was reality? Nonsense she told herself, as she stuffed a loaf of bread into the pantry.

A loud knock on the door startled her. Behind the door stood a nervous looking man in a British uniform. Her heart began to pound. She had overheard woman talking to one another, saying that when they were informed of their husband's deaths this was exactly what happened. With some hesitation, she opened the door.

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The man looked a little bit older than Christian. She at first wondered why this man was doing work like this when other men lay dying on the battlefield. Satine then noticed the man was without a right arm. "Did he lose it in battle?" She asked herself.

"Good day Mrs. James" He said with a forced smile.

"Good day..." Satine returned, was it really a good day? No it seemed that this would be the worst day of her life.

"Ma'am I regret to inform you," He paused for a moment, and sighed deeply. "Mrs. James, I'm sorry, but your husband is dead, well at least... We didn't find his body, but... We did find this," He then pulled a small photograph from his pocket, and handed it to Satine, who took it with a shaking hand.

She recognized the photograph instantly. It was a picture of the two of them that Toulouse had taken. They were in Christian's garret, sitting on his bed, Satine was wearing her pink robe, and Christian wore plain everyday clothes. He had his arms around her waist, and his head was resting on her shoulder, his eyes were sparkling as he smiled at the camera. On the bottom right hand corner of the picture, was a bloodstain, which Satine tore off, not wanting a reminder of her husband's death.

"I'm sorry Mrs. James." The man said again. "I knew your husband, he, he actually saved my life, in the same battle that I lost my arm... he um, well he was a good man, a good friend too. He spoke of you often, and well he loved you very much, that was obvious, his eyes always lit up when he spoke of you, and he would smile the biggest smile I have ever seen. It was nice to see him smile, none of us smile very much anymore." He paused, and looked at Satine's pained face. He was at a loss for anything else to say. "Good day Mrs. James, I'm sorry for your loss, terribly sorry." With that, he left.

Satine gazed at the picture. "He loved me, so much, and I loved him. He told me everyday how much he loved me, he wrote me songs and poems to express his love, but how many times did I tell him I loved him? What lengths did I go to, to show him how much I cared? Now he's gone, and I'll never ever get to make up for it. Oh Christian!" She wailed and sank down to her knees.

Today was the day, when dreaming ended.

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A/N: I'm sorry! I didn't mean to kill Christian, well actually, I did. There will be more chapter though, well that is to say, if you review. Well so long for now!

Oh and sorry for how short the chapter is.


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